Fear is a tool to dominate others or to keep others quite. At Chaithanya Kul, we talk about the issues rather than using fear to dominate the situation. But talking about a situation and articulating their feelings was difficult for children. For example, if there is a fight or disagreement at the children's homes, the family would just shout/abuse and shush them. This particular style of parenting is so ingrained in children, that having an opinion and coming to a solution is a big task and mythical.
For them, Chaithanya Kul's way to resolve conflicts is a little wired. It has reached that level with children I am facilitating, where they ask, Itna baat kyu karte hai - maaro aur jaane do (how much are we going to speak, just beat up) they say it in Hindi. As a facilitator, I do shout a few times but for them, that is not shouting. You need to use abusive words, for them that is shouting. Thus discipline is ingrained because of fear, take the fear out of the equation, and they go all erratic.
It has also been an observation, having a conversation is a stress for them. They are unable to come up with an idea on their own because nobody in the community asks for their view, they are just kids. Elders do not engage, with the children and toxic behavior cycles are a pattern, among adult relationships too and children are learning and inheriting that behavior.
Will that change? There will be an article for next week, with more real-life stories and incidents.
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